What's even wrong

Sometimes you can't do anything right and it's disappointing to know your just being a disappointment. Some people are born helpful and then some people really want to be helpful but they suck and can't pull it off.

I used to think I didn't suck but it turns out I don't pull it off well enough to avoid the broad definition suck encompasses. I really wish the words I said had impact, I think if I were knowledgeable people would say, "Yeah hey Adam your right, that made a lot of sense and now I feel better". I don't make sense all that much but sometimes when I do I feel happy for a moment and I smile because I know I incurred that same feeling in someone else.

When I smile I really savor the moment because it's really nice for second, it's nice that whatever happened had enough significance to change my demeanor for a moment because god knows I've been in this dreadful mood and no matter what I attribute it to it's a dilemma I cannot solve. I assign problems to the emotion and when I solve those individual problems and nothing changes it's just hollow because I don't even know why things are the way they are.

Soon I'll be done with High School. Soon I'll be 18 and soon I'll be an adult as far as the United States is concerned. How about as far as I'm concerned. Adults arn't like this, children arn't like this either. It takes a special breed of lost teenager to delude themselves into thinking that come four months when they turn 18 that magically maturity comes with having more than seventeen candles on a birthday cake.

What's even wrong, I ask that question, what is wrong. What am I doing wrong and the answer is ever elusive.