"everything i say comes directly out of my ass "

I was up all night again, I despise that happening more than anything because for the wee hours of the morning when there's nobody else in sight and I'm alone, I feel an overwhelming sense of self pity. It's like I'm awake because I'm alone, I'm alone because I chose to stay awake. That circular thinking then makes me feel like a buffoon because I can't come to any conclusion, and then I just cry because when you've reached the point where you call yourself a buffoon it's far from good.

What happened to my good day? The clock hit midnight and it became a whole different ballgame. Two days seem to blend together so frequently, and yet today, they were starkly separated by the change in mood that was incurred at nearly the instant the date incremented by one. Like a man turning into a werewolf, happy and blissful Adam transformed into the moody prick that seems to rear its head more often than everyone's favorite version of myself, and for 6 hours that foul Adam rampaged about, laying into all that it laid eyes on about shitty conceited emotions and thoughts.

I wish I could have other people tell me what they feel and what they think so I could stop talking about me because I do it all too often. This whole blog is certainly an extension of that, but entirely too often I find I'm just talking about me, when without a doubt, me hearing about someone else would be beneficial. I know myself, I know my thoughts and what I have to say, and if I continue to just be an ass and keep saying them I'll never get better, I'll never have people like me more, and I'll never find my missing thing that I've yet to even identify.

A wise woman told me " everything i say comes directly out of my ass " and how true is that with me. I'm looking to repair that someday, and find somebody else who has realized that they speak exclusively out their ass, and then together we can make the arduous journey to the mountain top to achieve a goal that has no meaning to anyone, but is still valued for no reason.

I'm concerned with too many trivial things, I wish I had a passion and I could sink all my time in one thing that way I would never have to be around people, and I could spend less time with myself. Inside my room, and being alone is a dangerous combination for this kid.