“Disgrace”

“1. Loss of honor or reputation; shame

2. The condition of being strongly and generally disapproved

3. One that brings disfavor or discredit”

This is disgrace.

Obfuscated plundering of utter essence.

Grace,

effervescent smoothness.

Drawing in the seedy eyes,

pointy glares, the disgraced gaze at the whimsical notion.

Stunning grace, oblivious grace, abhorrent grace.

Toiling beneath their utter eclipse,

the squealing rats and fleshy segmented maggots carry out life.

But they are the ones who have truly lived.

Within their awaking plummet from grace,

Disgraced,

Who view the world through the panoramic bird’s eye.

An empowering descent,

The fallen crash.

Through the earth with the force of five million dynamos rigged to explode in a cacophony of distended well being

Forever sunken, gaze fixated upward.

Saccharine hope dazzles above,

The lurid, stinking drug for the filth to feed on.

Embattled with Krakens,

In the vast seas of minds,

Inevitably defeated.

Unreciprocated, unseen

Unfelt

Unknown, their faces belie the inner warring tribes

Still disgraced, more than disgraced, the expanse is sprawling.

We live, we die, but past disgraced, wanderers.

Seafarers,

They tread and live and die and go from ash to phoenix

At the rise and fall of the day’s mark.

In a dark room, the only influence is the mind’s eye.

The fabrications, pictures viewed,

All wormy globules congealed and pulsating

With pointless purpose.

The parasitic mind feeds on the body.

I'm going to be popeye for halloween

Who the fuck cares.

FIRE!! SATAN!!! And all of that shit!!!

Or something.

Wow

I had a post titled "Wow" once already, but sometimes when a word fits, a word fits. I'm fine with repeating, because damn, I"m speechless.

Life, you've made me speechless. What is all this shit, I wish you were an entity so I could ask what the fuck you think your doing. I'm no Einstein, I'm not going to be able to figure all of this garbage out, and additionally, it's always all at once! You never get things doled out slowly, it's dry stints of nothing, then getting slammed with a gripload (new favorite word, sorry boogie) of shit all at once.

Losing friends, getting kept up, turmoil, drugs, stress and mental malfunctions. Maybe they go hand in hand because once you've got yourself a few, it just snowballs upon itself, exponentially increasing in mass. At least I was happy today until now, you'd think eventually the problem stream would run dry.

Good thing I have people who care. I'm told that a lot though, and I want to believe it every time.

Prove it.

The Logan Challenge

The game is on my friend.

I'll try my best to play the game.

Party Time

Dude I'm such a buzzkill.

I feel horrible that when I'm just doing my thing alone people come and think I'm distraught and then everything is shitty.

Jeez

Sometimes I write things and I look back and wonder what the hell got into me.

Moods are weird

The Man in the Hat

I swear every time I see it I just have an anxiety attack. I hope will every fiber of my being he dies.

Insecurities

I've been thinking about that word, and a question attached to it, what are my insecurities. I think about others often these days, and really everyone I know has the outward appearance of a "tough hide" so to speak, seemingly emotionally impenetrable. But I've found that there really is something that everyone has doubt in themselves about, and it's those things that when prodded produce sincere hard feelings.

There's common ones surely many people have, like appearance, intelligence, empathy, or even friendships to be insecure about, you can see these often in fact. When you get down to it, being insecure is really just over thinking one trait enough so to think your deficient in it. I can say I've never discovered somebodies secret guarded insecurity treasure chest, and found within it something the person truly should be concerned about. So if I can see and sense that insecurities stem from over thought, which I tend to think is something I consistently do, why can't I pinpoint anything I do that consistently enough about to call it my very own insecurity?

Yeah yeah teen belly-acheing, but mine is like, opposite complaining. I'm complaining I have nothing definitive that plagues me to complain about. Certainly I've come to find some things that irk me, some more than others, but a lasting feeling that drags on like a ball and chain around the ankle, day in and day out, I can't really find anything definitive inside looking out. I mean sure, who the hell wants to be insecure about something, it's just burdensome. But at the same time it's a personal goal really, something everybody can instantly say they could better themselves in. If you think your appearance is bad, then there's a lot you can do to remedy that, same for any of those things really. I sort of feel like a lot of things arn't perfect to be sure, and so an easy thing to point at and say, "Yeah, hey, you know clearly this is what's wrong" would provide so much insight towards how to approach things better.

Could my insecurity be rooted in that I always think I'm slightly off base and that through perpetual efforts to better myself slightly I hope to land on target? I didn't actually consider that at the beginning of this post but now the more I consider it, the truer it seems to be. Who's to say really, not me since I questioned even having a noticeable insecurity, but surely time will tell.

Is it best to attempt to remedy insecurities, or to come to terms with them and lose the feeling altogether? With remedy comes some sort of improvement, but who's to say embarking on that journey is a beneficial one.

Sincerely,

The bitchy ramblings of an under-stimulated mind

Love, Lost......

And the SAT

What's a kid to do. The love of my life, my World of Warcraft subscription, has ended. With no funding how will I waste my life on my computer. One must wonder what a kid is to do with himself with no virtual battling to be done. My Night Elf Druid will sink into eternal solitude, yearning to fight.

I guess there's always crack. It's probably just as good for me.

Hey Guys

Dude let's pick on Adam for the weird things he says.

I'm game, you game?

I cleaned this up

It's now 100% less of a wiener-fest. Congratulations are in order I feel, we're turning this car around and heading away from whiny emotional teenager station and headed towards normal land.

Or something. Metaphors make you look like an asshole. Straight up.