Been feeling like I get nothing done these days, I'm always thinking of at least 100 things at once, and none of the goals, much less the pertinent or important ones, get done. Just a perpetual, meandering pace back and forth over the same thoughts, the same feelings, with the same results. It doesn't surprise me then that indeed I am receiving the same results of zero. It's hard to keep doing things when the only way you know how to accomplish those things ceases to work. I sort out most everything by looking at it 100 different ways, trying to shed as much light on the item at hand as possible. But basically everything now seems to slip through the sieve my methodology of thought used catch things in. Yeah, super vague, but this isn't here to make sense to anybody but me. A chronicling of my thoughts and all of that jazz, therapeutic to look back at if nothing else, to see how far I've come.
I've been trying a lot of new things, begrudgingly albeit. To be honest, I'm falling to the wayside, and just letting events happen, and blindly agreeing to everything. I figure everything I don't see or do could have been something great, and so I just wander through it all. I always think I can't possibly lose in doing so, but as luck would have it, yeah, I can sort of lose a lot, more than a lot, really. Literally, I'm constantly divided between being Adam the recluse, and being Adam the guy who has friends. It's really frustrating these two egos are mutually exclusive, it'd be swell if the recluse could have friends, but that's just the nature of the beast. Can't get it all by hiding from the outside world. As I say that, I'm thinking I almost got something valuable by not going outside, but for one that's yet to be seen, and two it's more than likely the classic thought process amping up something miniscule and meaningless to large proportions.
Expect more shitty poetry, that's just one of those things I do now.
I like being alone but I'm scared of being alone, what an ornery fuck I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment